The beer is more important than you right now.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
