Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I just found a bag of teeth...
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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