Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
did you just send me my own nude
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
