i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i think i have two assholes
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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