I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
