just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
