he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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