I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm going to jail i love you
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Randomize
