It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
