matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
