i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
