Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Randomize
