I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Randomize
