I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
