you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
