i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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