Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
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