I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
