She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize