i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
