i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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