Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize