I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
