so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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