my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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