One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
