he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
