So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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