i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
