i jhust puked up my retainher.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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