I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
