is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
My vagina just recognized that song.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I did not marry a roomba.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
