Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
