her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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