My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize