ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
