piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I believe in your delicious
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
