you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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