false alarm. still invincible.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She's just so happy...and so naked.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
