theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i came on her dog
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
