You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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