I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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