you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
