My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
