I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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