I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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