somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I wish you could order shots online.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
