bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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