either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
