mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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