It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
