i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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