Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
