And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
