I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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