well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Two words: blizzard sex
Randomize
