Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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