you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
