I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
