remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
